Pineapple Express and James Bond

Pineapple Express




Being a student, it means I have been fairly broke over the summer, meaning my trips to the cinema have been limited, firstly by having zero money, secondly, by not having the time to go either, what with working every hour god sends in order to dig myself out of crippling poverty. But now, term time looms, and with that comes the student loan, which means I can begin live once more! That begins with shopping, and trips to the cinema. That began yesterday with a trip to see Pineapple Express.

The main reason I wanted to go was because of Seth Rogens recent run of good movies, Superbad (which he also co-wrote with Pineapple Express co-scribe Evan Goldberg), and Knocked Up, which, in my opinion, are two of the funniest movies i've seen in a long time. Probably the best comedies since Borat if you ask me. Having seen the trailer, and read all the reviews at Rotten Tomatoes, it had definitely made it a must see for me.

Seth Rogen plays stoner Dale Denton, whose daily routine consists of smoking joints, listening to talk radio and visiting his girlfriend at high school, whilst he's not serving subpoenas, in his daytime job. James Franco plays Dales dopey dope dealer Saul Silver, who has just had a delivery of the finest weed in all smokedom, the titular, Pineapple Express. When Dale witnesses a murder whilst delivering a subpoena, a ditched roach end, links Dale and Saul to scene of the crime and the pair go on the run from the murdering drug-baron, and his bent cop female accomplice.



The movie itself is a mixed bag really. Anyone expecting the laugh a minute gags that gave Superbad or Knocked Up its charm, may be a little disappointed. Sure its has its moments, but for me, I felt it was lacking something somewhere in the laughs department. Rogen and Franco are in fine form though, Rogen channelling the spirit of Bungle/Fozzy bear as he does so well, and Franco showing a different side to his usual brooding manner, in his zapped/pyjama wearing/idealist dealer Saul. They both clearly had a blast making this film, and the scenes of male bonding between two people who really only have a buyer/dealer relationship previous to the movie, is done really gently, and without being too sentimental. Third man in the caper is relative newcomer Danny McBride (who I recently saw in Drillbit Taylor where he plays a scheming malicious hobo, totally different to this), who plays middleman Red. Mcbride is clearly a star in the making, and his performance in this, is truly brilliant. My favourite line of his is...

"I used to carry this gun when I was a prostitute"

As the movie goes on, the plot develops, and becomes a lot more action orientated, but this works ok for me. It reminded me of a lot of '80s action flicks like Lethal Weapon and Beverly Hills Cop. And for me, this movie works better as an action flick than as an out and out comedy, but then it never really is truly either, as I said, its a mixed bag, but all in all it works.

So in conclusion...

Not the funniest comedy i've seen, but has a few belly laughs, but as a Shane Black-esque crime action caper its great.

3/5


The names Bond...



I seem to have recently developed a James Bond obsession, which began with the Sunday Times and The Times giving away the first five James Bond novels (Casino Royale, Live and Let Die, Moonraker, Diamonds are Forever, From Russia With Love). I read them in quick succession within a few weeks, then I got Dr No from the library. Dr No is my favourite so far, and if you have only ever seen the movies, and not tried the books, then I would highly recommend you seek them out. Bond is a much different character than the eyebrow raising, quip delivering, womaniser that he is portrayed as in the films. He is a much more human character in the books, with very human foibles such as insecurities, and genuine love and emotion for his friends, and the women he seeks out. He is also a cruel killing machine, but one who rues every death he has to cause with his own bare hands. His love for the finer things in life is taken to a near American Pyscho level obsession (If you've not read American Psycho, then seek that out too. Patrick Batemans narcissistic obsession with labels, clothes, fancy restaurants really is pyschotic) The plots vary wildly from the eventual movies, but they have a lo-fi charm to them that is irresistable. I've just ordered the whole set of Ian Fleming books for £14.99 from here, which at £14.99 for 14 books is an unbeatable offer.

I also went to see For Your Eyes Only, the Ian Fleming exhibition at the Imperial War Museum. It costs £8 or something to go, and to be honest, unless you're a fan of Ian Fleming, and not just of the Bond films, I wouldn't recommend it. But for me, it was fascinating, and the level of detail into Flemings life that the exhibition goes to should be applauded. It is ram packed with bits and pieces related to Fleming, like the typewriter and desk he wrote all the Bond Novels from, the original artwork and manuscripts for the books and also props from the films. Its not a big exhibition, and if you're only there for the James Bond stuff, it might be a disappointment. But I really enjoyed it. I even bought the poster for On Her Majesty's Secret Service from the gift shop, because I think its one of the most underrated Bond films, poor George Lazenbys only one, and because the poster is brilliant, so of the year it was made (1969). Check out Lazenbys nonchalant pose as he's flying through the air on skis. Brilliant.



Whilst we're talking about Bond I must just mention Quantum of Solace (I like the name now, it's grown on me). The new trailer is out, and it looks great, I can't wait.



Also the theme song has been played all over the radio. It's called Another Way to Die, and it's by Jack White and Alicia Keys. I really like it, it's definitely a step up from the last one by Chris Cornell, but I still feel they are missing the point with the theme thing. I'd love to have heard the Amy Winehouse/Mark Ronson offering, but hey ho.



Or alternatively, if you want to hear a version where they actually rhyme Quantum of Solace, check out Joe Cornish's version from the BBC 6 Music Adam & Joe show here...



Anyway, til next time folks....

Death Race Review

Death Race



Set in a dystopian near future, where the worlds economy has collapsed, unemployment is rife, prisons are overcrowded, and entertainment networks rule the airwaves with increasingly violent bloodsports, culminating with the eponymous Death Race, which takes place in an island prison called the Terminal, with inmates competing for the promise of a pardon and release upon their fourth race victory. Jason Statham stars as Jensen Ames, a disgraced former professional racing driver, who gets framed for the murder of his wife and child. Once incarcerated he gets enlisted by the warden Hennessy (Joan Allen) to take part in the next race under the disguise of current ratings favourite Frankenstein, who died during the last race, but whose demise is secret to the public. Death Race needs Frankenstein to keep the ratings high. Ames agrees, and aided by his pit team, with Coach (Lovejoys Ian Mcshane) in charge, he lines up on the racing line to take on a host of other racers including Frankensteins sworn enemy Machine Gun Joe (Tyrese Gibson) in a three stage race to the death, in seriously tooled up and tricked out monster cars.

Now, to be fair, i wasn't expecting much from the movie, and from the start i got what i was expecting. Starting off slowly in the world of the future, with Ames losing his job, rioting at the heavy duty plant where he works, then going home to his loving wife, where lo & behold, she gets murdered, and he gets framed. So far, so cliche. When he gets to prison we are treating to prison scenes straight out of the "How to do Hollywood Prisons For Dummies" manual, new guy gets evil eyed by the inmates, cons pumping iron, a dusty exercise yard, yadda yadda yadda, then the new guy pisses off the prison tough guys, (neo nazis obviously), obligatory fight in the canteen, and thats how he gets strong armed into the racing. We meet the tough warden Hennessy, played with icy vissitude by Joan Allen, and then introduced to the Frankenstein pit team, with the most pathetically uninspired nicknames so prevalent in tough guy action films. We have the coach of the team called Coach, the cars armorer named Gunner, and a nerdy slightly autistic technician, obsessed with facts and figures, called, wait for it, Lists.



The film really comes to life during the races themselves, and director Paul WS Anderson should be applauded for his insistence on real life special effects here, because the races and crashes are so brutal, and vivid that the film really soars during the race scenes. Its bloody, its violent, its overblown, its great. The cars look amazing, with huge armour plating, gattling guns and gadgets to put Wacky Races to shame. But then the races stop, and the plot gets dragged out again. Andersons directing is well suited to the action scenes, its flashy, quick and razor sharp, but his ear for dialogue isn't as astute, maybe he should just stick to directing?



Statham is perfectly suited to this sort of role, in this sort of movie, as he clearly puts a lot into the films themselves, without ever taking himself too seriously. It would be nice to see him get his acting chops around something a bit more cerebral and mainstream though, i think he deserves the break. The other performances are reasonable considering the walking cliches they are portraying. Joan Allen, normally appearing in serious roles, really adds ice to the warden character, and she gets the best line in the film...

"Okay cocksucker. Fuck with me, and we'll see who shits on the sidewalk."

Which got a huge laugh in the screening, for all the wrong reasons.

In comparison to the original, they really only have a few things in common other than the title, and a few character names, but the sense of stupid over the top violence for violence sakes remains. The ending is silly, the female navigator role is a bit superfluous (you need a navigator when you only race on one track?), the acting is a bit hammy in places, the characters are as 2D as the film poster, but the action is great, and worth seeing if you want to disengage from reality for a short time.

So in conclusion...

So the movie isn't aint great, but its worth seeing if your drunk, or if you just fancy switching your brain off off for 2 hours.

2.5/5

Deathrace, Jason Statham and Damien Hirst

Death Race

For those of you that don't know, there is a new movie coming out on 26th of September called Death Race, directed by much maligned director Paul WS Anderson (Alien Vs Predator, Resident Evil), and starring Jason Statham (Crank, The Transporter, Lock Stock). Its a remake of a 1970s Roger Corman exploitation movie Death Race 2000. I was asked to attend the press junket for Death Race on behalf of Rotten Tomatoes to interview Anderson and Statham, which to me, was a really cool privilege. Now there is an embargo on reviews until the 19th of September, so will publish my review then when i can, a week before its release. But just to give you a flavour of the preparation and so on that goes into a press junket, i'll just write about a few of the surrounding things first. First i watched Death Race 2000 as homework.

Death Race 2000

The movie Death Race 2000 came out in 1975, and is set in a dystopian future which sees the United States governed by a shady government, headed by The President, who rules from abroad, and where the biggest form of public entertainment is the gladiatorial Death Race. A race which sees five racers hurtling across the States in a brutal road race, in cars tricked out with machine guns and razor teeth on the front. Think Wacky Races meets Running Man. The racers gain points from killing pedestrians, and the other racers, and as you can imagine, the movie itself is crammed with ridiculous cartoon-esque violence, and unnecessary nudity, so naturally it has a huge cult following. It stars a pre-Rocky Sylvester Stallone hilariously hamming it up as Machine Gun Joe, and his main rival is a mysterious racer known as Frankenstein, as he has been patched up so many times from previous races, played by David Carradine (Bill from Kill Bill). The film itself is ridiculous, with a few moments of political satire thrown in to lend it a certain amount of gravitas, but its the cartoon violence, hilarious acting and script. that give it a certain guilty pleasure that makes it instantly watchable. 

4/5

Watch this when drunk. In fact make a drinking game which involves a shot with every death or nipple on show, and i will go down a storm.

Then i watched Crank, which according to the editor of Rotten Tomatoes, is the best of Statham's film, and which there is an imminent sequel in post-production.

Crank

This is the best all out action film i have seen in a long time. It won't be to everyones tastes though. The story centres on Jason Stathams character, hitman Chev Chelios, who wakes up one morning feeling woozy. He finds a dvd with "Fuck You" written on it. When he plays it, he discovers that a rival gang member has injected him with a slow acting poison which will kill him within the hour. Chelios soon discovers though, that by keeping his adrenaline levels high, he can keep the poison at bay. So he then proceeds to go on a full on high speed rampage on a mission to hunt down his enemy. The action is unbelievable, and the pace and direction is so urgent, that you can't help but get carried along with the film as it lurches from one ridiculous moment to another. The beauty is that its a knowing film, that never has any delusion of grandeur, never aims to be anything more than a balls to the wall action thriller, which it delivers in spades. Granted, the characters and plot is a bit cliched, but when you can see the actors and directors know that, and they play up to that, it gives the film so much charm, you can't help but laugh, and grin manically as the action is cranked up with every scene. Personally i can't wait for Crank 2, which Statham says takes the action to further crazy parts, outstripping the first film for pure entertainment value.

4/5

A brilliant, if slightly guilty, pleasure.

So i attended the junket today which was a slightly surreal experience. It was held in the Haymarket Hotel near Trafalgar Square, which is one of the most beautiful hotels i've ever been in. I was expecting a filmed interview, but it turned out to be a press interview instead, so i felt slightly underprepared, but met, and chatted with Paul W S Anderson for eight minutes. He's a lovely, chatty bloke, who invests a lot of care into his movies, but who has a bad reputation, for his many computer game adaptations, but i liked him. I liked Event Horizon, and Death Race, and i think we should be praising the guy as a Brit who has made in mainstream Hollywood. Us bloddy brits are so bloddy snobby about these things. Unless they are making arty Brit films like Shane Meadows, then we look down our noses at them. When people talk about great British filmmakers, they never mention people like Chris Nolan, or Anderson. Its as if we think they've sold out if they go to Hollywood. But come on... it's the pinnacle of modern cinema, where else would they go?

Jason Statham was an equally nice guy, full of charm, spirit, and enthusiasm for his work. He is clearly a mans man who enjoys his job. He's like a coiled spring ready to burst off. A really genuine nice guy, who has got where he is through good solid work in films like Lock Stock, Snatch, The Transporter, Crank, and also a small cameo in one of my favourite movies of the last few years Collateral. He gave me loads of insight into his forthcoming films, and it should appear on Rotten Tomatoes in the next few weeks. Good on you Jason, keep up the good work.

Damien Hirst - Beautiful Inside My Head Forever @ Sothebys

Modern art is not something i profess to know a massive amount about, but we've all heard of Damien Hirst, be it his pickled sharks and cows, or the spotted painted or the diamond encrusted skull, we all know who he is. He purported to have made $1Billion, which is phenomenal for a living artist. His latest way of subverting the art world is by creating a new collection of work, and sending it straight to the auction house for sale. Usually art is sold through galleries and dealers, before reaching the auction house, normally when they become five years old on the market. Hirst has turned this on its head by creating 223 new pieces and auctioning them straight off. Its expected to make over £65million over two days of auctions. The best part is, its all on public display at Sothebys to view, every day for the next two weeks, for free. I went for an hour today, and the collection is truly staggering. That one man could have so much output is incredible. Go down for yourself, before you miss out. There'll probably never be a better chance to see so much of Hirsts work in one place ever. The collection is full of many things, butterflies feature highly, with pieces made from butterfly specimens, even one in homage to Lincoln Cathedrals famous rose window. There are also many of the 'animal in formaldehyde' pieces he's famous for, my favourite being the unicorns decapitated head with a hacksaw in the case with it, or the flying piglet. He's really embraced bling too, with many cabinets being gold plated, and diamonds incorporated into many of the pieces. You should go check it out, it's well worth the zero entry fee!

So thats all for now. Next week read the full Death Race review here.

Til next time folks.

The Wedding...

Again, it's been too long since my last blog, but been plenty busy so just haven't had time really. 

This weekend just gone was my eldest sister Abigails wedding to Marc, after 12 years of being together. I was asked to be best man, so obviously it entailed a speech, which you can read in it's entirety here...

"Thanks to Marc for his kind words there. You should know that, now you’re a married man that’ll probably be the last time you’ll ever be able to speak for three minutes without being interrupted, so hope you enjoyed it.

So, I’m a bit nervous about the speech. I’ve always thought the best man speech to be the highlight of all the weddings I’ve been to, so I wanted mine to be funny and memorable. But I am fairly confident because I have rehearsed in front of a crowd before today, and they all wet themselves. It was in an old peoples home though so…

 Right… to business…For those that don’t know me, but I’m fairly sure you do, I’m Tom, Abi’s brother, and Marcs Best Man. Now weddings are a bit of a mystery to me, so I’ve had to do a bit of research into what exactly my duties as the best man are. I’ve always thought it was just about giving a funny speech, where I get to make fun of the groom, and tell some painful stories about him, embarrass him a bit… But come on…we all know that once he’s had a drink and he hits the dancefloor,  he won’t need me to embarrass him... I remember a couple of years back, going into town with my mates around Christmas time, we ended up in LN2. Just having a drink, we spotted this guy on the dance floor dancing around, making a nuisance of himself, looking like he was having some sort of attack, we all had a good laugh at his expense until some one points out to me “Isn’t that your sisters boyfriend?”… Yep… I remembered he’d gone out on his works Christmas party, so I went over to speak to him. Leathered he was. So I asked who he was there with, he looked around… no one. He was there on his own. Probably scared all his mates off with his dancing. So keep an eye out for him later, if he looks like he’s having a fit, don’t panic, that’s perfectly normal.

 So what are the best mans duties?

 Tradition dictates that as best man, its my duty to speak on behalf of the bridesmaids and ushers, so first of all, I’d like to propose a toast to our beautiful bridesmaids…. Hayley, Ellie, Lucie and Lilly….

 and secondly to our ushers… Danny and Jamie…

 I think you’ll agree that the bridesmaids look great and behaved impeccably. And the ushers…well at least they didn’t turn up drunk.

 My other duties are to make sure Marc is ready for the day, in the right places at the right times and so on. This isn’t just tradition, this is on a checklist handed to me by Abi yesterday. I’ll read you out a few points.

 1. Make sure Marc gets a good nights sleep.

 

Well I can confirm he slept like a baby. He wet the bed twice and woke up calling out for his mummy.

 2. Keep Marc off the booze.

 Well we’ve managed so far. I did catch him about to have a sip of beer earlier, but I stopped him in time, that was a close call. A whole sip Marc? Take it slowly for gods sake.

3. Make sure he’s dressed properly.

 Well I can confirm that he has got matching socks for once, matching cufflinks, and even matching bra and knickers too.

4. Keep him away from the bookies.

 Well he did want to go down this morning, to collect his winnings on a bet he placed in 1996 when they first met. The bet was “I bet I’ll never get married to HER”… and i’d have given good odds on that too when I first met him. But Marc has come along way from that long skinny haired light-weight gambler that he was all those years ago… Well… he’s had a haircut at least.

 No, in all serious now. I’m genuinely pleased that we got to this day, because I couldn’t be happier for the two of them. Marc, in my sister as a wife, you have gained someone who is a wonderful, loving, caring, and beautiful person. And Abi from today you’ve gained… erm… a nice dress?

 I’m honestly very happy for both of you, and Abi, with Marc you have a loving husband, who is generous, doting, caring and selfless.

 So just before we toast the bride and groom, I have a couple more best man duties. First of all I’d like to raise a toast to the parents of the bride and groom…

 David, Anne, Colin and Jenny…

 I also have a few cards to read from some people who couldn’t make it here today to read out.

 

To Abi and Marc,

 We’re sorry we couldn’t make it today, but we’re busy taking calls from all the broken hearts you’ve left behind. Also we know marriage can be tough at times so if you ever need us our number is 08457 90 90 90.

 Love the Samaritans

 

 To Abi,

 I can’t believe you’re doing this to me, I thought I’d always be your first love, why have you chosen a rake like Marc, when you could have had a hunk like me?

 Love Sylvester Stallone

 

To Marc,

 Congratulations on your big day, sorry I couldn’t make it today, only just heard about it when I got back into the country, and having to lie low for a bit.

 PS Can I get those videos back off you that I leant you before I went to Thailand?

 Love Gary Glitter

 

 So finally, I’ve just got to thank a few people.

 First i’d like to thank Abi and Marc on behalf of everyone here for inviting us all to share in your big day.

I’d also like to thank the staff here at the lawn, and the church for helping out today and making it so special for everyone

 And finally i’d like to thank Marc who said if I did a good job today, he’d let me be best man at his next wedding.

 

 So if you’ll all be upstanding in my toast.

 To the new Mr & Mrs Thorpe.

 Marc and Abi."

I had to adlib a few bits to make them sound right, but you get the idea. Not to blow my own trumpet, but it went down really well, and i got lots of people saying what a good speech it was afterwards, but i'm just glad i didn't fuck it up, and that it helped the day go smoothly. I was a bit worried that the Gary Glitter joke may have gone down like a lead balloon, but it got a big laugh out of everyone in the end.

So apart from the car crash after the reception (in the grounds of the lawn, nothing fatal) everything went well, and i'm very happy to for Marc & Abi, and just glad i could play a part on their big day. 

Other news...

At Rotten Tomatoes i've been able to start writing a weekly "UK Critics Consensus" article. It doesn't require much, just really summarising the critical response to the weeks big movies, but its definitely cool to get something published online anyway. Read last weeks here...

Back to uni end of this month, which i'm very excited about now. Got my financial notifications through, so hopefully will be able to stop working as much, and be able to concentrate on my studies, and also have some money to be able to do some stuff which i will inevitably be able to blog about. So keep your eyes peeled for more blogging as it happens.

Til next time....